42 Legs, Corner Pocket
Wicked! We were playing a nice relaxing game of 8-ball today at a nearby bar and about halfway into the game Jay decided his best shot would be the 6 ball in the side pocket. As he stepped up to the table to line up the shot and peer down the cue stick, his right foot slid forward so fast that it appeared as if he had suddenly broken out in an Irish Jig. My first reaction was to laugh hysterically. My second reaction was to scream out “JAY, LOOK OUT! THERE’S A BABY DRAGON LATCHED ONTO YOUR FOOT!!!” But I was too slow. It all happened so fast!
Out of nowhere this MASSIVE centipede had appeared and bitten Jay in his ankle! No joke!
When I say MASSIVE I’m not even exaggerating. This sucker was easily 15 inches long!!
After it punctured Jay’s ankle flesh, it scurried off towards the bathrooms like a serpent. Blegh!
*shutter*
With no idea if these things were poisonous or not, I snapped a picture of it in case we needed to show it to someone for identification. Heck we weren’t even sure if it was a centipede at all since it seemed to be missing 58 of its legs! Later research confirmed centipedes really do only have 42 legs. False advertising if ya ask me.
Anywho, the people in the bar started to panic, all confirming our worst fears that it was indeed poisonous. So they grabbed a shoe string and tied off Jays leg at the knee. You know, in case they needed to amputate the foot, might as well get most of the leg too while they’re at it. Another person at the bar grabbed a pair of tongs and bravely captured the critter and double bagged it for safe transport to the hospital. I commandeered the hostess of Rick’s Pizza shop and we had her drive Jay and his centipede to the nearby hospital for evaluation. Jay was diagnosed with obsessive dyslexic attention phobia of the compulsive cerebral cortex disorder. The centipede however, according to doctors, should make a full recovery.
While Jay was being whisked off on the make-shift two-wheeled ambulance, I pulled out my ipod touch and started googling to find the worse case scenario. Is he going to die? Will he be able to walk? Should I call his parents? What about his fantasy football team? Who will take over? OH THE HUMANITY!! I’m so ill prepared for situations like this.
After about a half hour, and what seemed like several hours of discussion with a visiting Belgian man who’s friend was also once bitten by a centipede, Jay came hobbling back with a bag of meds in hand and a bandaid over the wound.
The doctors had cleaned the wound, prescribed him some anti-itch pills and passed the bag-o-legs around the hospital for everyone to gawk at.
Turns out Jay will be just fine, and both his feet will be reattached in the morning.
Only in Thailand.