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Pucón, I Poop On You

I say “on” because I can’t poop in you. More specifically, the toilet here is broken.

I don’t ask for much, but I don’t think a working toilet is too much to ask for. I’ve been camping before. I’ve relieved myself in the shrubs. I’m not opposed to the idea by any means, but if I’m paying money to stay somewhere I shouldn’t have to walk out to the back yard just to take a piss. I don’t really mind it myself actually, but I’m trying to be considerate of the property owners and other guests staying in the hostel. Would you like to look out your window and see someone watering the plants? I didn’t think so. Neither did she.

In the last 6 months, we’ve stayed in some really nice places, as well as some not so nice places. This hostel here in Pucón is by far the worst. I’m really not too picky, all I ask for is that a place is relatively clean, and that things work. This place is clean enough, but nothing works.

I shouldn’t have to wait 25 minutes to pee just because there is only one toilet for the entire place, and someone else has decided to take care of the Three S’s. What about MY needs? Provide people with a second option. I’ll pee in a bucket if you OK it. Just give me something that works, anything!

I shouldn’t have to shower on the ground floor with a wide open window that doesn’t close.

If you want to watch me shower, I expect a generous tip! Similarly, I shouldn’t be able to look into the only bathroom/shower and see people using the only toilet while I’m standing between a couple bushes trying to pee. Don’t brag that you have a toilet and I don’t. It’s not polite.

If I can’t close the window, I should at least be able to close the frosted glass door to the shower/toilet area. But I can’t.

And if I can’t do that? Then I would at least expect that I could close the accordion style shower curtain.

Wishful thinking.

Wanna hang a towel up somewhere in the bathroom? Ha! Dummy.

Wanna put your toiletries bag and clean clothes down somewhere dry? Keep dreaming.

And please explain to me how with all of these things that don’t work…. how you managed to have a bidet installed?

There’s no need. Put a friggin piece of plywood over it and give me a place to put stuff down for petes sake! I’m sure it probably doesn’t work anyways. At least now it would serve some function.

Tired of this rant yet? Too bad… there’s more!

Wanna find your way to your room? Neh. No lights on anywhere.

Oh, you somehow managed to fumble and stumble your way through the dark up the flight of stairs past the constantly beeping alarm? Congrats! Now you can stumble and fumble your way over to your door that has a padlock on it. Yeah. A door that locks from the inside (with no way to get in) AND locks from the outside with no way to get out. Where’s Fire Marshal Bill when you need him?

Don’t you worry kids! If in the event that you found yourself locked in/out of your room, you could always just climb over the top of the door through the gap created from putting a rectangular door in a triangular door frame. You know the one, it’s that same gap that lets tons of light in when someone actually does manage to find the light switch in the hallway.

At least you are in a room right? Yeah, that’s true. A roof over my head right? I shouldn’t complain. Well I’m not in this case. It’s small, but that’s okay with me. I don’t need a hectare to sleep in. The beds are fine even if they are a bit close to each other. Whatever. I told you, I don’t ask for much.

Except… curtains or a screen on the window. Something to keep the bugs out and the light out in the early morning. When you stay up late at night ranting about your crappy hostel, you’re gonna want to get some Z’z so you can be well rested to make a run for it in the morning!

BUAHAH! I thought I was finished with this post… nope. The loud music just started blaring. No sleep for me.

It’s a shame really, I don’t want this to ruin the experiece of the town for me. It seems really nice outside of these walls.

1 Comment

Funny post! (though probably not so funny while experiencing it). Hmm, not so picky? I seem to recall some dissatisfaction on your part on where we stayed in Rome and Capri…(don’t be mad!) But then you were not a world traveler at that point.

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