Humans Are Stupid
I take it all back. Everything I said the other day about humans being smart, and creative… I was wrong. Way wrong. No intelligent being would ever jump 143 meters (400 feet) from a gondola perched over a river with nothing more than a bunch of rubber bands tied to his ankles. That’s simply ludicrous!
Yet… being the buffoons that we are… we did just that.
Yet another New Zealand 2-for-1 adventure. And by “2-for-1” I mean getting to the planned adventure destination, is actually an adventure all in itself. Tracking up the side of a mountain on a skinny and windy dirt road in a raised off-road van with no seat belts.
Seat belts!? Pshaw! Who needs those, we’re going bungee jumping dude! Live life on the edge!
Once at the top of the mountain — which also happens to be the edge of a gorge — we pull off the road and pile out of the van into the command center. We empty our pockets of any valuables and good luck charms, and then get strapped into our safety harness. You do want to be safe when being stupid don’t ya?
Next we climb onto the scale for a final weigh-in, after which they write your weight on your hand with a big red marker. Then you make your way out to the edge of the world. This is exactly the point at which the nerves start to set in and your bladder starts to weaken. Good thing there’s a bathroom nearby!
But at this point I’m not even sure if I’m still qualified to use the mens bathroom. I think this one might be more appropriate:
Crap! Now I weigh less! “I’m doomed as doomed can be I must say!” Weight no, that just means I won’t hit the bottom anymore. Okay. Good.
[WARNING: All blood relatives will want to turn off the computer at this point and walk away. Nothing to see here. Show is over. We didn’t jump after all. We chickened out and went home with our tail tucked between our legs.]
Are they gone?
OK, good. THIS, is what we are jumping out of:
COME AGAIN!?!? You can’t be serious!!!
Yup. 143 meters straight above the river, is a small 10×10 foot gondola suspended over the canyon by two metal cables.
Just enough room for a few guys, a small radio with some music to amp you up, and a dentists chair…
…for just a few more seconds of torture before the countdown…
When you hear “one” it’s GO TIME!!!
There is absolutely NO turning back now. You are screwed!
And that’s when you let out a blood curdling scream that just echos through the canyons scaring birds out of their nests and reptiles back into their holes.
Or in my case, you curse like a sailor!
[excuse the explicitives]
Idiot indeed!
But you know what? It’s addicting! Egads is it addicting!! 8 seconds of free fall head first, hurtling towards the ground at close to terminal velocity *gulp* WOW what a RUSH!!!!!
Here’s the best part of all, after the jump I was walking around outside trying to bring my adrenaline levels back down to normal when I stumbled across an old bungee cord.
Upon closer inspection…
…it’s nothing more than several hundred paddle-ball rubber bands all bundled together!!
Do you know how many times I’ve had one of those cords snap on me as a kid??
And to think I just entrusted that thing with my life!!!
I’ll say it again
“Oh my god, I’m an idiot!”
-me, 2009
